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10 Missed Calls

Like many today I am somewhat attached to my smart phone and I have it within reach pretty much constantly. However I was recently away on holiday and just decided that I wanted a day without it so left it behind on a trip to the beach. I didn't miss it at all and in fact I barely gave it a thought throughout the day.

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10 Missed Calls

My daughter's sister.

...The envelope had come from the local authority so I assumed (wrongly) that it was the long overdue contact letter from birth mum but out tumbled all these pictures of a beautiful teenage girl who looked remarkably like my own daughter – but older.

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My daughter's sister.

​‘What ever makes you think your son is securely attached?'

‘What ever makes you think your son is securely attached?' The kind therapist said. 

I was puzzled.

‘Erm. I’m his mum and he reaches straight for me if he is upset...?! ...: Erm ... dunno. We are very close. We have a strong bond... I think... I just know.’

‘Ok. How long has he been with you?’

‘Three years.’

‘I’d be very surprised if he was securely attached. Most adopted kids are insecurely attached.’

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​‘What ever makes you think your son is securely attached?'

A ROSE BY ANY OTHER NAME.

...I’m a Dad. I’m a Parent. I’m a Father. I’m a Guardian. I’m a Carer. I’m an Educator. I’m a Counsellor. I’m a Philosopher. I’m a Taxi-Driver. I’m a Nurse. I’m a Playmate. I’m a Guide, literally a Girl Guide. I’m any number of words that describe taking care of someone unable to take care of themselves (for the time being), nourishing someone in body and mind and helping them grow, emotionally, spiritually, physically.

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A ROSE BY ANY OTHER NAME.

Feeling a Fraud

In retrospect it's easy to see that it was probably just self doubt, but at the time it felt like something so much bigger, something so much more significant.

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Feeling a Fraud

Reassurance, reassurance, reassurance.

‘That’s the name of the game in the early days. Reassurance.’ said the social worker on the phone. ‘Just reassure him that everything will be ok. As much a you possibly can.’

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Reassurance, reassurance, reassurance.

Unattached to school.

Our son has been kicked out of school. 

That is two and a half years of almost constant struggle (and endless meetings) with the school reduced to just one line.

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Unattached to school.

Our big adoption friendly / attachment aware school choice gamble.

Almost three years ago, we met our fabulous children and started family life together. While in the throes of building a family relationship and surviving instant parenting of a 1 & 3 year old, we were pressured by our children's social worker to select and apply for our daughters school place fairly early into our placement. Under time pressure, not knowing many local families with school aged children and being fairly emotionally exhausted, I will admit to doing fairly limited local research… visiting one school...

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Our big adoption friendly / attachment aware school choice gamble.

The Diagnosis

It’s been one week since my son was diagnosed at St Thomas’ with ASD (Autism), ADHD, ODD (Oppositional Defiant Disorder) and major emotional regulation difficulties.  He was diagnosed by a panel consisting of a Paediatrician, Psychologist, Psychiatrist, Speech and Language Therapist and Occupational Therapist who spent 3 hours assessing him.  They were thorough, professional and understanding.  

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The Diagnosis

Somebody Else's Child.

We have been given somebody else's child!

That fact is astonishing.

We have been given what has to be the most valuable gift one could ever receive, the gift of a human being - a life. 

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Somebody Else's Child.

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