We Are Family


3 horsemen

3 horsemen - Img 6973

The twisted briars cloud my vista 

I only see the dark and tangled past

It's upon me the 3 horsemen

It's crowding me

Drowning me

Making me twist and feel like I'm failing

Flailing, shivering in my nest.

I stop. I stare. I implode. I scream.

The journey of my youngest feels 

Like a weighted stone and doubles 

The pain of my childhood.

I see my mother's wrinkled face and don't feel love.

I don't feel compassion. I don't feel joy.

I only feel sad. Sad like a bag of rocks weighing me down.

It slips into my childhood disease and makes my stomach churn.

My cheeks burn with embarrassment. I feel guilty, I feel shame at this.

I have to resolve this.

I need to move through it. 

I can't go under it.

I can't get over it.

I need to go through it.

I try and see open doors but I only feel brick walls.

The prospect of drowning in this is a fingertip away but I need to find a path which allows me to see the wretched past and the matriarch and allows enough light in so that the flowers can bloom. So that I can become the mother to my 2, that they need me to be. So I can be brave. So I can let it go. I am not my mother. I have time to be a brave mum to my 2 as they need me to be brave, to fight for them. To be their advocate. They chose me to be in their lives and I will get on these horses and I will pound down the walls and find those open doors.

Img 6973


Your email will never be visible to anyone on this website. You will receive an email notification if someone replies to your comment. All comments must be moderated before being published.

    ← Blog Home

    We Are Family

    Are you interested in writing for the blog? Submit your idea.

    Mumsnet Blogger
    Adoption Fostering Weekly Roundup2
    Top 100 Adoption Blog
    Top 25 Adoption Blog

    Vote for this post

    Subscribe to get blog updates