34 posts in this category
Most of us get obsessed about going back to work, dusting off the Lycra for a jog or giving up our vices at this time of year. But, for we adopters, it's also worth taking a moment to reflect on the amazing things we've done, and choose resolutions that will make us happier, not just fitter or richer, in 2019.
I’ve recently completed the first two days of the four day parenting course for adopters called The Great Behaviour Breakdown and I’m blown away already...
‘What ever makes you think your son is securely attached?' The kind therapist said.
I was puzzled.
‘Erm. I’m his mum and he reaches straight for me if he is upset...?! ...: Erm ... dunno. We are very close. We have a strong bond... I think... I just know.’
‘Ok. How long has he been with you?’
‘I’d be very surprised if he was securely attached. Most adopted kids are insecurely attached.’
A pet peeve of mine is children and parents describing their relationship as a 'friendship'.
Personally I feel that getting on with your child, having a wonderfully close relationship, sharing certain interests, being able to open up and share your feelings with them and encourage them to share theirs with you is not friendship - it is just good parenting.
When I look at our sons -
I see confusion over the disruptions in their lives and the difficult heart wrenching changes they have endured.
I see hurt and anger for what they have suffered.
I see the lack of self worth that has resulted and I see a lack of trust in the adults around them.
Due to increasingly difficult behaviour in school - which is now very much spilling over into our home life - my partner and I have been reassessing our son and the behaviour we are facing and we have concluded that he does indeed suffer from Reactive attachment disorder (RAD).
My partner and I were kissed as children by both our parents (which isn't as obvious to some as we may assume) and we don't think twice about it with our sons. In fact if I stop and consider it at all I would say that we saw it as a bit of a short cut to bonding and attachment and a way of showing them that we were open emotionally to them right from the start.