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We Are Family

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Attachment

33 posts in this category

Just Her

I can remember reading Sally Donovan's blog ‘Fake mummy’ and loving it.

I totally identified with it and it reminded me of my fortune cookie mantra just fake it till you make it, and that’s exactly what I do. I Force feed myself with trips to soft play hell, and weekends rammed with kids parties.

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Wonderful Reassurance

A year or so after our boys joined us and we became a family we had a call from the agency to say that another couple were in the process of adopting siblings and would we mind being put in touch with them to discuss our experience and how things were working out.

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Parents need SUPPORT in order to ‘Parent Therapeutically’!

I want to ask you a question…

How does it FEEL, to parent a child who is quietly suffering!?

How does it FEEL, to parent a child who is hurting so bad, they flip into high octane expressiveness in a second?

How does it FEEL, to be with your child’s feelings, to be with such raw emotion – overt or covert?

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ACE scores in the family

Adverse Childhood Experiences (ACE) has far-reaching implications, including the surprising benefits of going through the healing process. 

The more I look at my parenting, the more I, and the way I was parented, stand in the way. Looking at the screen and my ACE score there is no other way of looking at it either. I have to look at my own roots. And deep down this really isn't about me.

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You don't love me anymore

Social workers are just people doing a job and of course like all of us they are sometimes less than perfect; however they are dealing with people’s lives so even simple mistakes can be emotionally wounding. We became very aware of this through our own experience and also that of friends who have also been through the adoption process. It can be as simple as failing to immediately tell you of a change in the panel date - which of course means a huge amount to you, but is just a correction in a diary to them - to fundamentally not “getting it”.

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Points of view: A two-pronged review of Gareth Marr/Scott Casson-Rennie and Hermione Michaud’s talks at Southwark Library on Wednesday 24th February 2016.

Hearing that We Are Family and the South London Adoption Consortium were running a presentation on “Why Children Placed From Care Need Support In Schools” was exciting news for me on multiple fronts. As a prospective adopter, I am trying to gather as much information as possible to help me prepare for life as an adoptive parent, but additionally, by day I work as a Deputy Headteacher at a London Primary School, and am always keen to learn more about how I can support vulnerable pupils at school.

So with two hats on, I felt like I was well placed to write a review (or two) of the evening. Thanks to We Are Family for giving me the chance to share my thoughts!

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8 and counting

We adopted two brothers who we knew to be part of a sibling group of 5.

We were later to discover that in fact there was an additional, older half sister (paternal), as she lived with her mother she had nothing to do with social services or indeed us.

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A moment to cherish

Our daughter has not been with us for very long and my first conversation with her happened unexpectedly on Christmas Day.

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The Twelve Blogs of Christmas #9: 1 plus 3 makes 4 this Christmas.

IMG_3125Christmas has been different this year.The decorations are up, the cake and turkey were cooked and eaten but something else happened. It was months in the limbo stage; all the usual social services blurb and all the red tape, and now suddenly she’s here in time for the celebrations. Our beautiful daughter!This is our second time around and most of it feels old hat.We are familiar with all the upheaval and the feeling of being emotionally dishevelled, but this time we had an added element to consider - our beloved son.We have been amazed by his reaction to all of this. He is 4 but blimey! – it feels like he could be 24!He has taken all of this on board and has shown courage, compassion and an immediate beautiful love towards his new sibling. It's like watching a beautiful masterpiece being painted, watching him shape his enthusiasm, outline and profile his brotherly reactions and eagerness to embrace and cuddle his future. A future that he will now get to share with someone else.I am awestruck at how willing he is to accept this baby so unconditionally. We were both apprehensive of course and I definitely was nervous about where I was going to find the same equal, immeasurable quantity of love I hold for my son; how was I going to double up? But it came in a heartbeat. Flowing and pushing its way up out into a smile that my wife lovingly calls my ‘giddy as a kipper’ smile.In the meantime we have been waiting, preparing, fixing things, stair-gating, baby-proofing, John Lewis buying, the Christmas shopping's prepared and wrapped early; yes, we were ready for her arrival.Our daughter came home for good with us a couple of weeks ago. We are exhausted already and I have a pile of ironing taller than me to get through. The dishwasher is on twice daily and the washing machine is on a permanent spin cycle. Oh, and on top of that - I almost forgot - my son also asked me to make a cake; a green cake with an elephant on for our celebration  as a family of 4. December really is magic this year. I best crack on!

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