Category

Becoming a family

​‘What ever makes you think your son is securely attached?’

By Attachment, Becoming a family, Family, Post adoption support No Comments

‘What ever makes you think your son is securely attached?’ The kind therapist said. 

I was puzzled.

‘Erm. I’m his mum and he reaches straight for me if he is upset…?! …: Erm … dunno. We are very close. We have a strong bond… I think… I just know.’

‘Ok. How long has he been with you?’

‘Three years.’

‘I’d be very surprised if he was securely attached. Most adopted kids are insecurely attached.’

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A Simple Equation

By Becoming a family, Placement, Siblings, Trauma, We are Family No Comments

For a large part of the time our son has been with us we have been waiting – and worse still expecting – for there to be a very obvious and significant improvement in his behaviour, waiting for the signs that he had indeed settled and that he had let go of his hurt and anguish and that he had embraced the love and more importantly the security he now had in our family.

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He is not my friend.

By Attachment, Becoming a family, Parenting, We are Family No Comments

A pet peeve of mine is children and parents describing their relationship as a ‘friendship’. 

Personally I feel that getting on with your child, having a wonderfully close relationship, sharing certain interests, being able to open up and share your feelings with them and encourage them to share theirs with you is not friendship – it is just good parenting.

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