The third in a series of blogs generously shared by a We Are Family member and author of their own blog ‘Riding Waves with Angel’ where you can find this post and others…
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A We Are Family member shares a candid and heartfelt reflection on meeting her son’s birth mother recently.
The first contact package we received did not go down well with our son, who was very little at the time. It contained a book his birth mum had made about herself. It was very emotional and, whilst it was her truth, was too dysregulating for a young child.
….” The notion that the father trumped everything simply because of ‘blood’ made me feel vulnerable and I confess fleetingly made me consider if my new role as a father could ever be quite as significant without that blood tie…
‘I thought these are your real parents, no?’
‘So you are not real brother and sister then?’
I guess most adopters have experienced questions such as these being asked of us or our children at some point. It’s frustrating to say the least and at worse it can feel insulting and indeed be quite painful, even so I am surprised at some adopters reaction to it.
….I’d share some of the books that have helped our family along the way as we wrestled with tangled feelings and attachments, not adoption books per se, just beautiful stories. So, this is not exactly a review, not exactly a blog, just some thoughts on the healing power of story.
Oh no – the pressure of having to do letterbox contact is here again!
Every six months, I feel the stress and pressure rise the closer it gets to letter box exchange.
It’s like going to the dentist to get a filling when all I’ve rather be doing is …. well…anything else. Absolutely anything else!
Dear Grandparents.
Being the birth mum it seems that people simply put all the blame on your daughter, even the birth dad gets overlooked by most – regardless of the obvious fact that he failed our sons just as much as a parent.
It’s the first Christmas we have officially been a family of 4. Last year we had a court date in December that we had hoped would finalise the adoption, but a tiny overlooked detail meant that the judge deferred the decision until January. It wasn’t what we had hoped for, but he was still with us and as far as we were concerned he was one of us. It just wasn’t official yet.
