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We Are Family

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Category:
Birth parent

18 posts in this category

Hurting or Healing?

The first contact package we received did not go down well with our son, who was very little at the time.  It contained a book his birth mum had made about herself. It was very emotional and, whilst it was her truth, was too dysregulating for a young child. 

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Time Out!

Last weekend, we had one of those classic adopter moments. Just getting on with life when, suddenly, pitch invasion by Grief.

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Bounce Back Blog: Equally Best


...." The notion that the father trumped everything simply because of ‘blood’ made me feel vulnerable and I confess fleetingly made me consider if my new role as a father could ever be quite as significant without that blood tie...

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Get Real

'I thought these are your real parents, no?' 

'So you are not real brother and sister then?' 

I guess most adopters have experienced questions such as these being asked of us or our children at some point. It's frustrating to say the least and at worse it can feel insulting and indeed be quite painful, even so I am surprised at some adopters reaction to it. 

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Dear birth daughter

I'll admit, love, that I’ve always found ‘the baby game’ irritating. The game you most often ask me to play with you, usually at the most inconvenient times. A game I didn’t really understand, or the fascination it held for you. At 10-years old, and nearly as tall as me, you’d want to be a helpless, mewling, wriggling little thing, while your adopted sister, although five years younger, was assigned the ‘teenage babysitter’ role or, if she protested too much, a twin baby to you, but one that was ‘smart’, and could ‘do more’ – the one that didn’t need so much attention.

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Follow up: A birth mum shares her thoughts

I am a birth mom and I can’t say that I agree that its “always adoptive families” that “action, chase, fight for the best outcome of the child”. The agency I went through has done a lot to help and has a strong desire to help in whatever way they can for all three parties involved. Also, I have reached out, expressed feelings, respected the wishes of the adoptive parents and I have been rejected. It is true that every family is different. I have so much respect for you and other families that try to maintain contact with birth parents for the benefit of your child." 

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Any Advice Gratefully Accepted

When I adopted my daughter I agreed to annual direct contact with her birth father. I didn't want her to hit teenage years with all the possible angst that that can entail and ask why I wouldn't let her see him when there was no reason for me doing so other than 'I didnt want to share you'.

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Flummoxed, Perplexed and Bewildered

Forgive my bluntness, and I'm sorry this blog won't be more entertaining but I'm desperate for information so I've come here to get it off my chest and let it all hang out…
We brought our beautiful three year old daughter home 2 years ago as a 13 month old baby and were informed she was the youngest of five (to our knowledge) siblings and half siblings dotted around the country. All have the same biological mother but apparently (again - to our knowledge) one of them may well also have the same biological father making this a full sibling.

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