15 posts in this category
'I thought these are your real parents, no?'
'So you are not real brother and sister then?'
I guess most adopters have experienced questions such as these being asked of us or our children at some point. It's frustrating to say the least and at worse it can feel insulting and indeed be quite painful, even so I am surprised at some adopters reaction to it.
It's the first Christmas we have officially been a family of 4. Last year we had a court date in December that we had hoped would finalise the adoption, but a tiny overlooked detail meant that the judge deferred the decision until January. It wasn't what we had hoped for, but he was still with us and as far as we were concerned he was one of us. It just wasn't official yet.
Adverse Childhood Experiences (ACE) has far-reaching implications, including the surprising benefits of going through the healing process.
The more I look at my parenting, the more I, and the way I was parented, stand in the way. Looking at the screen and my ACE score there is no other way of looking at it either. I have to look at my own roots. And deep down this really isn't about me.
We soon realised - and it was a shocking realisation - that we were in it over our heads. We had listened intently at the prep' course, read copiously, had scoured the internet, picked the minds of the experienced parents around us; we thought we were prepared. However, can anything truly prepare you for the impact of an adopted child coming into your life? Especially when a child displays the trademark behaviour of a traumatised child?
The passage of time has always been uppermost in my mind during my ‘adoption journey’, perhaps inevitably given that my daughter was ‘old’ (in adoption-speak) when she came to live with me.
We adopted two brothers who we knew to be part of a sibling group of 5.
We were later to discover that in fact there was an additional, older half sister (paternal), as she lived with her mother she had nothing to do with social services or indeed us.