My husband has just come back from four nights away. For many families, there’s nothing unusual in that. Weekends away and work trips are regular occurrences, and many families take them in their stride. It is unusual for us, though. In the four years since the boys came to live with us, I’ve never spent a night away from them, and my husband has only been away twice, each time for two nights.
If anyone is familiar with the five ways to wellbeing, one
of the quadrants (ignoring that this is quadrant no. 5!) is to give to others.
One way I’ve been able to do that is by supporting potential adopters via
sessions at the agency I adopted though. I troop up to Barkingside once every
few months, usually harassed and running late due to my nine year-old’s fear
that I am not coming back! I always ask my little munchkin if there is anything
she would like me to say, and this varies depending on her mood. This time I
had a huff and a “Really? Again?” So we decided it would be so much easier if
she wrote it down so I wouldn’t have to keep asking her! Below is exactly what ten minutes of her mind created – totally unprompted (I have not changed
anything; everything is her own words and style…except for adding the YouTube
link which she insisted I help her with.)
So from the mouth of a babe…
A recent weekend away with a friend’s son threw up moral dilemmas that I was not expecting. How we parents have to interpret other families’ norms, how our own standards clash with those of the culture we’re parenting in, and how innocent assumption can lead us into treacherous territory.
Why is it apparently so difficult for parents to ask their children if they are gay?
Time and time again we read or watch accounts of young men and woman coming out and saying that their mother or father said that they had realised for a long time.
Realised, but had said nothing.
….We were somewhat surprised and we had a number of questions, not least of which was why she felt she needed to be in a straight relationship to have children, we were even more surprised when the answer was that her therapist had said raising children in straight relationships was of course better than raising them in gay ones.
A few months after our sons moved in we went to visit a dear friend who was dying, he had arranged for somebody to buy presents for the boys, he engaged with them and he gave them lots of attention. Even though he was very poorly and in quite a bit of pain he made every effort to smile and welcome them and he clearly left an impression.