Circles

We Are Family

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Category:
Siblings

62 posts in this category

Finding Me a Family

Not me; I have one. Rather some reflections on the series on Channel 4 that ran before Christmas and on a recent blog in the context of us receiving our first contact letter from one of our child’s siblings, because ultimately it might turn out to be “Finding My Family” for them, in the fullness of time.

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10 Missed Calls

Like many today I am somewhat attached to my smart phone and I have it within reach pretty much constantly. However I was recently away on holiday and just decided that I wanted a day without it so left it behind on a trip to the beach. I didn't miss it at all and in fact I barely gave it a thought throughout the day.

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My daughter's sister.

...The envelope had come from the local authority so I assumed (wrongly) that it was the long overdue contact letter from birth mum but out tumbled all these pictures of a beautiful teenage girl who looked remarkably like my own daughter – but older.

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Feeling a Fraud

In retrospect it's easy to see that it was probably just self doubt, but at the time it felt like something so much bigger, something so much more significant.

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A Simple Equation

For a large part of the time our son has been with us we have been waiting - and worse still expecting - for there to be a very obvious and significant improvement in his behaviour, waiting for the signs that he had indeed settled and that he had let go of his hurt and anguish and that he had embraced the love and more importantly the security he now had in our family.

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Smother them with love

Friends said 'smother them with love' and all would be OK. 

They have been loved - and often continue to be loved - by their birth parents, yet that love was anything but
enough. Their past is not always about a lack of love, it's just a love that was overridden by lack of care, lack of consideration or lack of ability.

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Always wipe the seat.

We were that couple who cleaned and cleared as we went about our day, we both like a tidy home and even when we may have been feeling a little lazy or just not in the mood we still recognised that the other had expectations that needed to be respected.

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Denial

Due to increasingly difficult behaviour in school - which is now very much spilling over into our home life - my partner and I have been reassessing our son and the behaviour we are facing and we have concluded that he does indeed suffer from Reactive attachment disorder (RAD).

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Letter Box Contact

Yearly letter box contact has been agreed and we diligently get the boys to write Christmas cards for birth Mummy and Daddy - regardless of indifference from our oldest and huge resistance from his younger brother - in addition we put pen to paper and write a letter updating them on the boys past year.

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One step ahead of the bully.

The only objection voiced to us as a gay couple when we decided to adopt, amazingly came from gay friends. None of our straight friends or family thought of it as anything other than a wonderful decision, for us and indeed for our future children.

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