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We Are Family

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Category:
Tantrums

13 posts in this category

I Hate You.

I was at a meeting with non adoptive parents and somebody brought up the fact that their child had screamed ‘I hate you' at them the day before and how hurt she had been by this, almost all of the other parents said that they had experienced the same and the group went on to discuss how difficult it is to hear  and how hurt they had been.

Both our sons have indeed declared their hate for us in fits of anger - as well as the possibly more dramatic ‘you are not my parents anyway’, but neither my partner or I had been hurt or upset.

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Parenting is hard work.

I underestimated how hard parenting is.

I love my child dearly and parenting him has turned out to be both more wonderful and more rewarding than I could have ever imagined but also much much harder than I ever thought.

It's hard, testing work and it's difficult to navigate. 

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Change.

We sense a change.  

A small change, but a real change and - fingers crossed - a fundamental change. Although of course we could be wrong - we certainly have been before....

We think we are seeing signs that our younger son's anger and the screaming and shouting that are a consequence of that anger are being controlled. They are still there, still part of our lives, but it's somehow feeling different.  There now seems to be a desire from him that was clearly not there before, a desire to bring our 'battles' to an end. It's clearly a struggle, but a struggle that maybe he is winning. Slowly, gradually he seems to be taking control. 

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Projection.

...I don’t have any answers. It just hurts. And I pray that the projections are very, very wrong.

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The Twelve Blogs of Christmas #8: How did I get here?

20150214_122654I picked up a brand new “Frozen” themed bike for my 4 year old daughter just before Christmas and even though it's not my new bike, I'm brimming over with joy every time I see it!Carrying it home from the shop was one of those moments when you think, “how did I get here?”I’ve been a mum for nearly three years. I’ve seen her through the nappies, the dummies, the pushchairs, the tantrums (on-going), but this feels like a dream. A moment to cherish. "I've got a daughter and I'm buying her a bike for Christmas." I just can’t believe how happy that sentence makes me.All our Christmases have been great but it feels like there’s something big about this one. The tree is bigger. Our daughter is bigger and this year was able to reel off a proper BIG list to Father Christamas of what she “needs".This year she was finally big enough to help me decorate our tree; yes she put rubber bands on and bits of plastic and anything else she could get her hands on onto it, but to me it is beautiful.It’s not been an easy year. We’ve had family illnesses, operations, challenging beahviour from the little one but this is one of those 'joy' moments I’m really going to hold in my heart forever.Funny how the really big joy moments totally overshadow all the bad ones.I’m so thankful for that.Merry Christmas everyone. 

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Out of the blue – A lesson in patience.

It happened so quickly that I didn’t have the chance to explain to her that not only would I not be coming home in time to cook her tea, bath her and carry her to bed, but that I would be gone for six whole days. I was just gone, absent without warning and it felt unbearable.

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