Circles

We Are Family

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Category:
Trauma

45 posts in this category

Coping Mechanisms.

So for those of us attempting to support our children who come with a range of trauma and problematic starts in life; we spend a considerable amount of time observing - thinking about and trying to work with their coping mechanisms...


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I Hate You.

I was at a meeting with non adoptive parents and somebody brought up the fact that their child had screamed ‘I hate you' at them the day before and how hurt she had been by this, almost all of the other parents said that they had experienced the same and the group went on to discuss how difficult it is to hear  and how hurt they had been.

Both our sons have indeed declared their hate for us in fits of anger - as well as the possibly more dramatic ‘you are not my parents anyway’, but neither my partner or I had been hurt or upset.

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Change.

We sense a change.  

A small change, but a real change and - fingers crossed - a fundamental change. Although of course we could be wrong - we certainly have been before....

We think we are seeing signs that our younger son's anger and the screaming and shouting that are a consequence of that anger are being controlled. They are still there, still part of our lives, but it's somehow feeling different.  There now seems to be a desire from him that was clearly not there before, a desire to bring our 'battles' to an end. It's clearly a struggle, but a struggle that maybe he is winning. Slowly, gradually he seems to be taking control. 

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Dear Grandparents.

Dear Grandparents.

Being the birth mum it seems that people simply put all the blame on your daughter, even the birth dad gets overlooked by most - regardless of the obvious fact that he failed our sons just as much as a parent.

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10 Missed Calls

Like many today I am somewhat attached to my smart phone and I have it within reach pretty much constantly. However I was recently away on holiday and just decided that I wanted a day without it so left it behind on a trip to the beach. I didn't miss it at all and in fact I barely gave it a thought throughout the day.

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Four Years

Four years ago today you arrived in our home twinkly and tiny and so brave under the circumstances...  Or did we misread that? In retrospect you must have been flooded with fear...

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A Simple Equation

For a large part of the time our son has been with us we have been waiting - and worse still expecting - for there to be a very obvious and significant improvement in his behaviour, waiting for the signs that he had indeed settled and that he had let go of his hurt and anguish and that he had embraced the love and more importantly the security he now had in our family.

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3 horsemen

I have to resolve this.

I need to move through it. 

I can't go under it.

I can't get over it.

I need to go through it.

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