As the saying goes, I would not change her for the world… but I would change the world for her.
I read this in another post recently and it really stuck a chord! So many times I get frustrated by the comments I hear. I really don’t think people intend to be insensitive, or ‘mean’ as Munchkin would say. I just believe that people are lazy and don’t think! I have countless examples from friends and strangers whose throw away comments could really hurt if I let them. I sometimes feel like a pain in the butt but I correct them; not for my benefit, but to change the world for Munchkin.
Let me give you some examples:
- Numerous friends have asked, ‘So does she see her mum and her family?’ Yep, she sees me everyday and the whole of our extended family! Please remember we may be second mums (fill in correct relative) but we are their mums. Our little ones have had a birth family but by referring to their original family, as opposed to their forever family, can be quite confusing for little ones who have had such a traumatic start.
- Recently at an organised adoption beach party, Munchkin asked a ‘trained individual’ if she could have a beachball. The response was, ‘Of course, but why don’t you ask daddy to blow it up?’ Really, a trained individual does not consider that all of our children don’t live in traditional families? I am both mum and dad, and Munchkin looked embarrassed as she handed it to me and said, ‘Sorry, can you do it?’ I never want her to apologise to me for the decision I took to be a single adopter. Does she not have enough shame to deal with?
- I am currently on unpaid adoption leave and needed some new glasses. While I was in a well-known shop trying on glasses, I asked the assistant if I counted under the concessions as an unpaid person on adoption leave. The response: ‘What’s adoption leave?’ I answered, ‘Like maternity – when you get a child some of the weeks you are paid and the end is not.’ Her response: ‘Oh OK, no… the concession is for real mums…’ I just took a deep breath and was so stunned just had to turn away. I so glad that Munchkin wasn’t with me, as I have no idea how damaging that could have been for her!
I could carry on but … (deep inhale, deep exhale!) Like I say, I would not change her for the world…but I would change the world for her.*
*Apologies for not crediting the source of the original statement but thanks x