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I took The Great Behaviour Breakdown course to manage his behaviour.  Tell him you know how angry he is, they said in the classroom.

Jump up and down with him when he’s angry, they said. 

Try to get him spinning, they said.  It regulates the vestibular system in his brain. 

I jumped.  I spun.  I shouted. 

“I would be so angry too,” I shouted.  And my son screamed at me, so high and shrill and then he hit me harder and opened his jaws as if to bite.   It made it worse. 

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Such Great Parents!

We have recently had some involvement with CAMHS which has (unlike our previous encounter) been quite positive. We’ve talked through what’s working, what’s not, how we can try to shift things that seem a bit stuck.  The psychologist has been quite upfront in his appraisal of us: he was concerned maybe I was not affectionate and loving enough, or the differences in my partner and my own parenting style were incompatible and causing conflict.  He was happy to report he was assured this was not the case and, while we were different, this was within the ‘normal' range of difference!

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Out Of The Mouths Of Babes

If anyone is familiar with the five ways to wellbeing, one of the quadrants (ignoring that this is quadrant no. 5!) is to give to others. One way I’ve been able to do that is by supporting potential adopters via sessions at the agency I adopted though. I troop up to Barkingside once every few months, usually harassed and running late due to my nine year-old’s fear that I am not coming back! I always ask my little munchkin if there is anything she would like me to say, and this varies depending on her mood. This time I had a huff and a “Really? Again?” So we decided it would be so much easier if she wrote it down so I wouldn’t have to keep asking her! Below is exactly what ten minutes of her mind created – totally unprompted (I have not changed anything; everything is her own words and style…except for adding the YouTube link which she insisted I help her with.)

So from the mouth of a babe…

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People's Good Intentions

I hate being this boring but if I could write a letter to all those wonderful non-adopter mums, neighbours, friends and family, it would definitely include the following 10 points: 

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A Letter To My Younger Self

This week, an adoptee blogs for us. She writes a letter to herself at different stages, starting with the neglected baby and ending with the hopeful, thriving adult.  

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Is It Me, Or...?

At half term, I decided to put one of my kids in clubs while the other had 1:1 time with me. The elder went first and all was well, as I had expected. After a day away from his brother, with whom he is locked in war, he felt nourished, attended to, happy. I had been able to let him make more choices than usual and he really rose to that. 

The youngest, however, presented me with a very different day out. 

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Travelling Together

I am in a really privileged position. Pre-adoption, I made it my mission to travel as much as possible and when I adopted I understood that this part of my life would end. But, surprise surprise, my six year-old came to me with a desire to travel and begging for a passport.

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The Pause

I love my child more than I thought would be possible; more than I could imagine. But I always pause when someone who hasn’t adopted asks, "Would you do it all again?"

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Happy Valentine's Day

I hope I don't need to worry about offending any singles by doing a Valentine's post here, because WAFers are most definitely with someone. In fact, our lack of aloneness can feel rather unrelenting at times - consider little fists hammering on the loo door. But being together was what we wanted and worked very hard to get.

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