I have written previously about the pressure that adoption puts on relationships and how the need to focus on the child/children so singularly can create problems in even the healthiest of partnerships and of course it is at the exact time that we need to be most united and strongest as a couple.
I stated how it has affected my partner and I and how we have learnt to adjust our expectations and to adapt to a new dynamic as a couple. I can see that we have learnt to expect less from each other and to be satisfied with what is available, what is left after our sons have been put first and all their needs met.
Yet I realise that there is more than that, it is not just about being empathetic, being tolerant or ‘putting up’, it is not just about accepting ‘all there is’, it is also about looking for and discovering something new.
We have less time for each other, we have less patience with each other, we are both fully aware that we are not each others priority – yet I can see that the love that I have for my partner now is possibly stronger than ever and I can see that is because of something very different to what was there before.
I may be living with the same person, but he now displays different qualities to the ones I fell in love with and I can see that they are qualities that are even more beautiful and to be admired, in fact at times they are qualities to be in awe of, qualities to love even more.
I can see that my partner is a wonderful parent, a parent who always has time for our children and always puts them first, a parent who is dedicated and who in generous with his emotions, a parent who gives and gives and gives.
I watch the interaction of my partner and our sons and it truly touches my heart and it fills me with a love that is palpable – a love that reassures me that we are as strong as ever.
Our relationship may be different, but I can see now that there is quite simply so much more to love.
I am hoping that my partners feels a little of that in return.
