We Are Family


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Tomorrow and Forever

My parents were pretty dysfunctional as I remember and I had a chaotic life. But my wife says I married 'up' and with a whole load of therapy, many geographicals and a hefty swig of courage I got over my past and stepped into the shoes of the person I am today.

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The Twelve Blogs of Christmas: 12 Days of Christmas

 I appreciate that I may not understand the symbolism, but frankly if my true love gave to me a partridge in a pear tree, irrespective of the five gold rings she gave me previously, which I probably would melt down and stick in the savings vault, I would definitely lose my Christmas Spirit.

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As good as we are.

I should think it's pretty obvious to say that our parenting dictates our child/children's behaviour.

We all know that if you are a 'bad' parent it will most probably translate into our child/children being badly behaved, but what if you are a good parent, what if you have read the books, been on the courses and you put your heart and soul into raising your family?

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The Twelve Blogs of Christmas: Our son is 3

My son is 3 and this is our 3rd Christmas together but his very first Christmas we didn't get to share with him. I catch myself feeling melancholy that our boy, was wrapped up in someone else's arms, waking up on Christmas Day with another family and both he and us (on this day) had no idea of each other's existence.

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Ask the Kids #8

boy-1298788_1280As part of National Adoption Week we asked for contributions in the form of a list of questions and answers supplied by our children on the subject of us - their parents.Having received quite a few sets of these answers, some parents have chosen to omit certain questions in order to keep the responses within safe boundaries; and others have run with every single one of them and each and every contribution has been so gratefully received.If you'd like to contribute, please feel free to play around with the format and customise it to suit your own family and forward your answers to me.1. What is something I always say to you? I love you - correct 2. What colour are my eyes? Green - correct 3. What makes me happy? When I say I love you & when you see your friends - this one makes me sad as she always says I want to spend time with my friends not her!!! 4. What makes me sad? When I shout & when I miss Nana & Papa & when you don't see me - correct 5. What is my hair like? Bobbly- crazy - correct! 6. How do I make you laugh? Tickle me - correct 7. What do you think I was like as a child? Crazy - she was shocked when I said quiet and shy! 8. How old am I? 45 -correct 9. How tall am I? 4 meters or 10 meters long - ha ha! 10.What is my favourite thing to do? See me - correct 11. What do I do when you’re not around? Clean up & see my friends - clean up yes , I've seen friends twice since school stared but interesting! 12. What am I really good at? Looking after me - I wish!! 13. What is something I’m not good at? Juggling - I am actually not bad!!! 14. What do I do for a job? Help people to be good if they have been bad. Interesting I am a programme manager working regionally to develop addiction programmes for those in custody! 15. What is my favorite food? Thai soup - I do love it!!! 16. What do you enjoy doing with me? Playing cards

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December will be magic

But it is not all calm and magic. In fact, December has already been tough on our son. Our son normally is good a self-regulating, but we have had more meltdown, and more major meltdowns, in December than the rest of the year put together. There are usually straight-forward reasons for the explosions, but I think the undercurrent is Christmas-related. It certainly isn’t helping.

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The Questions #5 A peek into how we do family.

[caption id="attachment_1353" align="alignleft" width="225"]Photo by Lili Gooch Photo by Lili Gooch[/caption]How and when does your child/children wake you in the morning?Our 18 month old sleeps in her own room. We used to wake to her chatting to herself in her cot bed, but more recently she has been less patient or possibly more anxious. In any case, she now tends to cry out for us in the morning. We go to get her up and either get up for breakfast or, if it’s still too early, bring her into our bed for snuggles and sometimes a bit more sleep before we all get up.Why adoption?For us adoption seemed right for a number of reasons. Firstly, as a same sex couple we would not be able to conceive a child naturally and if one of us were to have insemination then we felt this may create an imbalance with the non-biological parent in the couple. Neither of us have ever felt a strong urge to be pregnant or to pass on our genes. We did, however, really want a family and we felt we could love a child who is not biologically ours. With so many children needing a loving home in this country, it seemed a good choice.From start of assessment to bringing your child home how long did the process take?2 yearsHow could it be improved? So many ways!! We had four different social workers and there were a lot of delays and very poor communication from our agency throughout. More coherent management of our ‘case’ would certainly have reduced the delays and reduced our stress.What has been the biggest surprise? I guess how easily we have bonded as a family.How was the assessment process?Fine. Could have been a bit quicker and more coherent but was ok.What's your favourite thing to do together? Explore the outdoors!What makes you and your family laugh?Chasing, tickling, dancing, being silly in general.The best thing about being a parent?Innocence and wonder.The hardest thing about being a parent?Backache!The piece of wisdom you would pass on to a child? Be yourself.What time do you go to bed?Between 10-11pm.

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