“I started fostering eight years ago and always with a view that I would adopt when the time was right. When I started the adoption process in early 2022 WAF was one of the organisations that was mentioned in my initial training. Just before we went to panel in 2023, I started looking more closely at what WAF was about and thought ‘this is where we need to be’. I literally started attending groups about a week later.
The first group I attended was then called the Prospective Adopters’ group. At that stage the group was run by a volunteer called Su who has subsequently become an adoptive parent. During the meeting, she mentioned that they were looking for other volunteers to support the group. Because of her honesty, the way she spoke and the information she was sharing, I felt it was something I’d like to do. I quickly realised that WAF was an organisation that I wanted to be part of in a more meaningful way. Just sharing experiences in a way that people could benefit from them felt really natural. I certainly found it very beneficial. Particularly just before we were going to our adoption panel. I thought, “this is the missing bit”. I actually wish we joined earlier in stage one of our adoption journey. It would have definitely supported some of the stuff I was writing for my stage 2 workbook.
Over the last year I’ve become more and more involved with WAF. I’ve written a blog, I’ve done a WAF talk and, since March 2023, I’ve been running what is now called the Prospective and Early Permanence adopters’ group.
We changed the name of the group to reflect the fact that around 35% of our members are dually approved for adoption and EP. We were conscious that there isn’t an awful lot of targeted support out there. For example, there’s just one book available that covers the subject of Early Permanence. We were also mindful of the fact that people going through EP really need to understand and be prepared for all the challenges and heartache that they may go through. EP can be incredibly emotionally draining and it comes with a level of uncertainty that you don’t have with traditional adoption. Aside from the important business of sharing information, there’s no substitute for people who’ve been there telling it how it is. Without sugar-coating things. That’s where peer support really comes into its own. Yes, you must never stop pushing for whatever’s in the best interests of the child but it’s also so important to look after yourself.
Our group meets online or in-person on the third Friday of each month. The sessions are built around themes e.g. ‘what to expect from matching panel’ or ‘how friends and family can offer support’. Sometimes we invite experts to come and speak about specific topics such as Adopt London’s EP Lead who we invited to host a Q&A session.
I often invite people to submit questions ahead of time and it’s lovely to watch other members of the group drawing on their own experiences to answer them. The questions that come up can sometimes be very personal or emotional. On those occasions, we might not identify who’s asking the question but other adopters can still offer their own thoughts. Our WhatsApp group is another great way of staying connected. When someone has a significant date such as a panel, I’ll send them a good luck message. It’s fantastic to see the flood of messages that come through from members sending their own good wishes. At these key times it is so important to know that someone has your corner and understands what you’re going through. Of course, their family and friends are rooting for them, but most don’t understand in the way that other adopters do.
What’s really powerful is the range of things that people get from those meetings. Each meeting ends with members being invited to share one thing that they’ll take away with them. It might be something as simple as taking away someone’s phone number because two people have decided to meet outside the group. They may have discovered that they have a very similar family situation or that they’re both about to have a child placed with them. Or maybe it’s two single adopters who have decided to introduce their children to one another. Seeing how people benefit from those discussions and the fact that they feel free enough to share their concerns and experiences is wonderful.
Doing the WAF Peer Support Facilitator training in October 2023 was amazing too. Being able to consolidate my skills and to learn new ones I could use on a practical level within the group was really valuable. Being able to reflect on yourself and see how you come across to others was very helpful too. Attending the ongoing Peer Support Supervision sessions is a bonus. It’s great being able to offload and to hear other people share what’s going on with them and their groups. The training really is something I’d advocate everybody doing. It has equipped me with skills that I use in the whole of my life, not just with WAF. It’s certainly one of the best things I’ve done in the last couple of years in terms of personal and professional development.
Despite the fact that I’m coordinating it, the Prospectives & EP group is a great support for me personally. Having conversations with people who understand what I’m experiencing as an Early Permanence adopter is so valuable. These aren’t conversations I could have elsewhere because other people don’t know the nuances. There are also occasions when I’ve been having a particularly challenging time and just being with the group has been so helpful. Even though I won’t necessarily discuss my situation in detail, I leave the meeting feeling lighter”.
