WARNING: POSITIVE POST
In writing this blog I am acutely aware that what I am about to outline is far from the reality in many families. Many families and individuals, be they adopted or not, are seriously struggling right now. My heart breaks for these families for whom there is little – if any -support. Cooped up in increasingly untenable situations.
This post reflects the other side of that coin: the sizable number of families who are doing well.
This spring, our eldest boy will have been living with us for longer than he was at his birth parent’s. I was just thinking about it as I lay in bed listening to the rest of the family get up this morning. He came in for a cuddle and asked me when our next adoption celebration day would be. Clearly he’d also thinking about us and how long we had been together.
It’s all going to kick off. I have a new job, which is exciting and scary. It also means that our kids will need to get used to a new carer.
Welcome to the second in our ‘Therapy’ series. This account of a wonderful music therapist just proves the power of a professional who gives their all.
Since we first read about our daughter, we’ve known that there were half siblings out there somewhere, in other adoptive families. This knowledge, which we had but she did not, has felt very heavy.
Most of us get obsessed about going back to work, dusting off the Lycra for a jog or giving up our vices at this time of year. But, for we adopters, it’s also worth taking a moment to reflect on the amazing things we’ve done, and choose resolutions that will make us happier, not just fitter or richer, in 2019.
I’ve recently completed the first two days of the four day parenting course for adopters called The Great Behaviour Breakdown and I’m blown away already…
We get it!
We not only understand the benefits of therapeutic parenting, but we now have plenty of first hand experience of it working, of it regulating our son with Reactive attachment disorder in a way that ‘normal’ parenting simple does not.
‘What ever makes you think your son is securely attached?’ The kind therapist said.
I was puzzled.
‘Erm. I’m his mum and he reaches straight for me if he is upset…?! …: Erm … dunno. We are very close. We have a strong bond… I think… I just know.’
‘Ok. How long has he been with you?’
‘Three years.’
‘I’d be very surprised if he was securely attached. Most adopted kids are insecurely attached.’
A pet peeve of mine is children and parents describing their relationship as a ‘friendship’.
Personally I feel that getting on with your child, having a wonderfully close relationship, sharing certain interests, being able to open up and share your feelings with them and encourage them to share theirs with you is not friendship – it is just good parenting.
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